The real reason most victims of narcissistic abuse become addicts — and how it’s done. — do·pa·mine adjective a type of neurotransmitter. Your body makes it, and your nervous system uses it to send messages between nerve cells. That’s why it’s sometimes called a chemical messenger. It all starts with the honeymoon phase is the most crucial period of the abuse cycle for narcissists. Many of…

New research on relationship dynamics, gaslighter behaviors, gaslighter motivations, survivor consequences, and recovery & post-traumatic growth Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which one person induces another to doubt their own sense of reality, starting with being pressed to see an unhealthy relationship as coming from love and good intention[1]. There is surprisingly scant research on gaslighting, considering the attention it has received.

It was a January morning. The air was perfectly still. It was so cold that my dogs had entombed themselves in my covers, digging into layers of blankets until they were blocked by the eventual resistance of memory foam. Self-portrait, Myla Morningstar That’s how it began the morning of the…

These lesser-known strategies of abuse may slide under your radar. — We are all familiar with emotional abuse classic. We know all about gaslighting, manipulation, intimidation and emotional invalidation. The longer I’ve practiced, the more I’ve recognized a shadowy collection of subtler emotional abuses that tend to go unnoticed. …

Unseen Wounds: Escaping the Invisible Chains of a Covert Narcissist It started innocuously enough, the way most things do. A marriage, a family, a life built on the hopes and dreams of two people who loved each other. …

How cheating destroys the fabric of someone’s reality — There are three major traumatic events from my adult life that have stuck with me as permanent pillars of my self-knowledge. Each is painful in a different way, as though each represents the pinnacle of a particular type of trauma I’m capable of experiencing. They exist in their own spaces…

Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self punishment — “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey) Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the humiliation of objectification and…

They all will mentally break you, but there is one that can destroy you if you allow them. — The covert/vulnerable/fragile Narcissist, hands down. These individuals’ “elation” and “deflation” stages make them the most dangerous. When they are in the deflation stage, they appear like vulnerable, hurt, abused puppies. You will want to pick them up, take their pain away, hold them, nurture them, and love them.

This clip below has spurred much discussion. This is a good thing. The accompanying essay provides some nuance and further education. The long subway ride from DC’s airport to Silver Spring was unusually pleasant. It had been about an hour since I had taken a low dose of methamphetamine…

A story: “We started dating, and he was wonderful. He was well-educated, highly regarded by others, and a good listener. He was a friend of a good friend, and I immediately trusted him. I thought he was honest, and there was a strong chemistry between us. As we grew more…

What if we spent more time on conflict resolution skills? — Who is the perpetrator? Who is the victim? Who is bad and who is good? These binary perceptions of what happens during an interpersonal conflict loom large in the public imagination. Perhaps this is due to the zero-sum nature of living in a dominance hierarchy culture where in order for…

Women are abusive in different ways than men. — In my 32 years of living, I have only been in one official romantic relationship. I have enjoyed the company of young men, but I know I need a lot of healing before considering another relationship in this lifetime. My first and last relationship lasted about 70% of my 20s…

As difficult as this subject is to discuss, it’s a widely accepted fact that most marriages, at least in the United States will end in divorce. Some will call it quits due to a lack of preparation for the responsibilities of marriage and commitment. …

I want to talk with you about what the trauma bond does to you, your thoughts, and your psyche. — Because it’s so crucial for you to recognize that when you’ve been bonded with a malignant narcissist. It takes such a toll on you that you begin to wonder if there is something wrong and deficient about you as part of what kind of trauma bonding does. No, you have…

Consumed by uninvited thoughts — As a complex trauma therapist and survivor, I am well acquainted with the persistent regurgitation of disturbing memories. …

Only accurate diagnoses are helpful — On the surface, ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) don’t seem to have much in common. ADHD is a neurodevelopment condition arising in childhood that causes inattention, distractibility, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. BPD is a personality disorder found in older adolescents and adults, consisting of pervasive patterns of instability in interpersonal…

The art of manipulation. — The game: she pretends to be his girlfriend, but the money he pays for the experience is real. What’s more, everything happens online. Welcome to the biggest factory of illusions ever invented: the internet! The girlfriend experience, which is pretty much receiving payment for roleplaying being somebody’s girlfriend, with all…

Narcissists minimize, exaggerate, deflect and project — Narcissists are pathological liars, it is a part of their mental makeup. They have no capacity to be completely honest. Narcs tend to swing between minimization of the facts and exaggeration of the facts. There is very little in between. And of course, the reasons they either minimize or exaggerate…

These statements are usually true, but they also help to keep the victim in an abusive relationship. Victims often feel as though they have no control over the situation and don’t know how to get out of it. These phrases can make victims feel like they’re not responsible for their…

What does healing mean for the abuser? — I told him I wanted to kill him, because then and there, I did. He was a thousand miles away at least, so we fortunately never got the chance to learn if I was serious. I wasn’t, but I still said it. The pain cut me open like rotten fruit…